Misunderstanding Anxiety

I found myself struggling with anxiety one particular day and I decided to write down the way Anxiety has made me feel. It's something I've always struggled with and It's, til recently, unknowingly consumed many moments in my life. Whilst I was writing, what started off with anger and frustration, quickly turned into a new perspective. I hope this letter can bring you a new view and grant you some compassion to yourself and your emotions.

A Letter to Anxiety:

Oh Anxiety, you are one calculated, manipulative b**ch. You do have quite the imagination on you, I will give you that. You make me afraid of life. I cannot go out into the world without you poking your nose in my business. The first time you made an appearance in my life was at a very young age. You have this ability to shapeshift into different fears in my mind. Did you know I never was able to pursue a singing career because of you? The first time I wrote a song to perform in front of my family, You illuminated my mind with self doubt and the fear of being judged. I was five. You couldn't even let me enjoy being a child. The problem with you is that you pray on the vulnerable and innocent. 

You take every little fragment of internalized fear and use it as a weapon to destroy. Do you know how many dreams you’ve crushed? Do you know how many lives you’ve impacted, and not for the better? Do you know that there are people out there that will never be able to enjoy life in complete peace and calm because of you? The worst part, I think you do. I think you know that and that's why you do what you do. You thrive off of chaos. I feel sorry for you. So much power, so much strength, so much control and this is what you do with it? 

Anxiety, I hope you get the help you need. I hope you find a way to heal the darkness inside of you. You have so much potential from good. Everything you say, you say with such conviction of truth, you speak as though you already know the outcome before it happens but… What if you turn the fear and paranoia into words of hope and positivity? Do you know how many peoples lives would change if you just changed your perspective on things? 

Now bare with me and let's just try something, together, don’t worry you’re not in this alone. Breathe and let's take this one step at a time, Follow my lead. 

“I hope to have a good day” 

“I hope no danger comes my way”

“I hope there are people surrounding me with good intentions” 

“I hope my journey outside my solitude is peaceful and equally enjoyable” 

“It won’t happen again”

“I hope I’m not afraid” 

“I’m not afraid” 

“I’m actually…okay?” 

The monster is gone. Have no fear. I am right here, holding your hand every step of the way.

Anxiety you are not alone, I understand you now. All you want to do is protect, you want to protect your vessel but you go about it in the wrong way. We don’t have to do that anymore, we can work together as a team. Hold my hand and we will walk through life together because I know you’re not going anywhere and no matter how much you try to push me away, I’m not going anywhere either. 

Anxiety prays on the vulnerable and innocent because that's exactly what it is. Vulnerable and innocent. Like a kid lost in the grocery store looking for its mom. Alone, afraid of the possible dangers looming around every corner, fear of the unknown, and separated from the one thing that provides safety and comfort. I’m sorry Anxiety. The next time you pay me a visit, I’ll try to be more understanding and nurture your fears away because the truth is, it's not your fault you are the way that you are, it's mine. 

We have to stop pretending dark thoughts are physical entities to pass blame on. It’s us. All of us. Self doubt, self sabotage, self loathing. It's just like they say, it's easy to point blame at someone or something else but the truth is, you have 3 fingers pointing back at you.

I’m the reason I didn’t pursue certain career paths. I’m the

reason I withhold my feelings when it comes to speaking my truth to others. I’m the reason I can’t enjoy the simple things in life without fear. I’m the reason I don’t have a lot of friends,

I can’t trust. Fear. Paranoia. Anxiety. Me.